By Jennifer Dylan

Black-and-white thinking is when your thought patterns assign people, things, and actions into one of two categories – ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Sometimes it’s comforting to organize the world into dichotomous categories like this—it gives us the confidence to have a POV, take a stand, or decide a tough choice. It’s also usually a distortion of reality or a simplification of something more complex.

When it comes to technology, it’s tempting to look at a specific app, social media platform or game and want to know if it’s good or if it’s bad for your child or student. Ultimately, the distinction may be about whether or not this technology is in alignment with your family and values. Other times, determining good or bad tech comes down to how it’s used, why, and who is using the tech. After all, best practices are just that—practices.

So, can heavy tech use ever be healthy? Some say that if you find yourself heading into a storm without knowing how severe it will be, the most important thing is to keep going. In life, this means holding onto your routines as much as possible. It’s about continuing to move toward what still brings meaning, even in the face of overwhelming challenges. This makes sense when we look at habits like gaming.

If your child or student is navigating tough times and you see a change in behavior in their technology habits—they are gaming more than before, maybe isolating more and you are concerned.  And after some conversation (or negotiating), you are frustrated—the tech over-use is not budging. Your inner voice is triggering you. You want to help your child and you want to label the game bad, take it away, or at least sharply limit it and get your child redirected in a way that will ease their pain and make them healthier.

Here’s the thing, you may be right about the tech over-use AND you may be wrong as the technology may helping. Here’s a trauma therapist who admitted that while navigating grief, he turned to excessive gaming for months.

“I played Elder Scrolls: Oblivion for stretches of time that would have been frankly obscene under any other circumstances. As ridiculous as it sounds, doing that kept me alive. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with anything in my new reality, but I did know that right now my task is to kill all the lich in this dungeon. I can do that. Then, I’ll find a new mission. My character needs to eat … I suppose I do, too.”

 Gaming through hardship can be a healthy response. Take the story of Mats, a young person from Norway whose short life was marked by disability and illness. He lived in his parent’s basement. He rarely left. And there, he spent most of his time immersed in World of Warcraft. To his parents, he fit the negative assumptions of a gamer—lonely and isolated. Yet at his funeral, unknown people arrived and, at that same time people all over Europe lit candles in his memory. To them, Mats was known as Ibelin, a nobleman by birth, a philanderer and a detective. His parents had no idea that their son had touched the lives of so many or that gaming magnified his ability to make connections that fed his soul.

The gamification of staying healthy is the premise behind the very popular Finch: Self-Care Pet, a self-care app that gamifies mental health best practices by taking care of a pet digital bird so you also take care of your own needs. Finch provides positive reinforcement for self-care actions, which can be particularly helpful for those struggling with mental health issues. The app also has a thriving online community on Reddit where users can share experiences, tips, and support.

Sometimes a hyper-focus on technology is being kind to ourselves during troubling times. How we consume technology – for kids, parents and teachers alike –changes as our lives change. It’s not ALL good and it’s not ALL bad.

CONVERSATION STARTERS:

  • What’s your favorite game or app right now, and why?
  • Do you ever feel like you’re expected to be online all the time?
  • How do you feel when you take a break from your game, phone or social media?
  • Have you ever noticed how your mood changes depending on what you see online?
  • If your phone could talk, what would it say about your week?
  • Do you ever feel different online than you do in real life?
  • What do you think is something people misunderstand about how kids use tech?

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