By Jennifer Dylan

As parents, we can teach our kids valuable life lessons, but the constant stream of apps, games, and social media has changed what “parental control” really means. Kids now spend time in digital spaces where we aren’t always there to guide them.

Yet when it comes to technology and keeping kids safe, the prevailing wisdom by policymakers and the technology industry is to use parental controls. While that sounds like good advice, the problem is that the effectiveness depends on factors beyond a tech solution. The age of the parents and children, the digital skills of the parents and children, the degree of parental involvement and the motivation to reduce exposure to online risk are only some of what determines the effectiveness of parental controls.

To rely on parental controls, one must commit to a dive deep into every game, app, and platform your child plays in, knows about, or might discover—and not just once, but with every single version and update. Is this even possible? And even if you were up for this hyper-focus, the research shows that parental controls alone don’t reduce risk, unless coupled with good communication and skill-building.

At Savvy Cyber Kids, we understand that the key to establishing cyber safety for kids requires that families and educators initiate digital safety conversations with young people—at the earliest of ages—and keep the conversation going!

Younger children are built to learn, to explore and to create. As parents we are charmed by these qualities. Teenagers are kids who are biologically ready (like it or not) to take bigger risks, to make mistakes and to discover who they are. This is messy work. Parents and teachers need tools to stay tuned into young people’s virtual worlds. While parental controls may be an important part of your family’s technology plan, they are not a one-stop shop. Kids need clear boundaries, trust-based monitoring, and above all, strong communication and connection.

These do not need to be perfect conversations. I recently asked my college sophomore about AI, and I foolishly let my bias about AI show. Yeah, that ended the conversation rather quickly! I was schooled and I had to re-ask with curiosity to continue the conversation, to find ‘her why’. I’m glad I did—because ultimately, I care most about ‘her why’, more than I care about my biases. And I got the detail on how she uses ChatGPT, for studying (think flash cards but not a static set, a set that can be instantly modified to a needed hype focus—and without a need for a quizzing partner); and for revisions on papers and emails. She also loves how Notebook LM turns lecture notes into a podcast for studying (doesn’t that sound fun and a great way to deeply learn!). Those are the AI tools she uses and the ways she uses AI for school and internships. She then recommended that I research some of the Vibe coding apps (‘they r really cool’, she said). UPDATE: It’s two weeks later and she is texting me more AI tools to learn about! And so, my conversation continues…

In your conversations—especially with teens, it’s good to note that you may be met by a lukewarm to annoyed ‘I don’t know’ – followed by an uncomfortable pause with a sharp finish of ‘Can we stop talking about this now?’  This is digital parenting, don’t give up and keep having the conversations!

CONVERSATION STARTERS:

Pick an app, game, or platform and ask your child/student:

  • How it makes them feel?
  • Why they use it?
  • What help or support they get from the tech?
  • Where or how else they could have accessed this help or support?
  • Who they spend time within the app, game or platform?
  • How people treat each other within the app, game or platform?
  • Does the tech get in the way of what you want to do or potentially limit them in any way?

LEARN MORE:

Savvy Cyber Kids educates and empowers digital citizens, from parents and grandparents, to teachers and students. Sign up for our free resources to help you navigate today’s digital world with cyber ethics. See more cyber safety and cyber ethics blogs produced exclusively for EarthLink. Looking for a social media parental control? Try a 30-day free trial of Bark. If you sign up after your trial, Bark donates 25% of your monthly fee to Savvy Cyber Kids.

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