By Aviv Newman

In his book The Anxious Generation, psychologist Jonathan Haidt summarizes his conversations with parents about their children’s technology use, noting that a common theme among them is “constant conflict.” If you’re a parent, I’m sure what he has to say sounds familiar: “Parents try to lay down rules and enforce limits, but there are just so many devices, so many arguments about why a rule needs to be relaxed, and so many ways around the rules, that family life has come to be dominated by disagreements about technology.”

This conflict is miserable for everyone involved, and there’s no panacea. Sure, parents can just give up, letting their kids do whatever they want, but that exposes kids to social and emotional danger. On the other end of the spectrum, parents can try to shut down their children’s use of technology entirely… but with so much schoolwork being conducted through online systems, a shutdown can’t be complete, and kids will find a way around the rules.

So, is it all hopeless? No. There are tools parents can use to regulate technology use. Here’s a big one: a technology contract.

Like the Digital Bill of Rights and the Technology Pledge on this website, a technology contract is an agreement between parents and kids about devices, video games, and social media. By the end, the contract will outline a set of rules, but it’s important to make the document  a collaborative process between kids and parents, even if parents get the final say. It’s also important that the rules are specific and concrete; a rule that can easily be bent isn’t going to be very useful. Simple rules are also great—if a rule is too complicated, it’s more likely to be broken by kids or misremembered by parents, which can lead to more conflict.

Consider the following before and while you make the technology contract:

  • What days are certain devices allowed? Think about separating school days and weekends, and choose what should happen on school breaks or summer vacation.
  • What times are certain devices allowed? Before school, after school, and after homework are good times to consider. Think about having a time by which all devices must be put up before bedtime since looking at screens before bed can make sleeping more difficult. (Parents might want to think about putting up their devices too, if they can!)
  • Should there be a maximum amount of time that’s allowed? This is a great idea in theory, but can be tricky in practice, as someone needs to be keeping track of screen time. Built-in or add-on tools for tracking screen time can help.
  • Where can kids use their devices? If possible, think about not allowing them in bedrooms, so it’s easier to monitor what kids are doing.
  • What activities can your kids be doing on devices? Be specific! List platforms or games that are allowed, and/or which are banned.
  • Where should technology be put when charging and not in use?
  • Since technology is a privilege, how do kids earn it? (Chores and homework are some places to start, though again, it’s useful to be as specific as possible—is it after all chores and homework are done, or after a certain amount of time doing chores and homework?) What happens when kids don’t earn the privilege? Is there a different consequence if kids break an unrelated rule? (For example, should technology be taken away if kids are being mean? Write the rules as simply as you can!)
  • Finally, what are the consequences of breaking this contract?

Here’s a simple example for younger children:

  1. Kids can play video games only on weekend days (Saturday and Sunday).
  2. Kids can play video games for a maximum of 30 minutes per day.
  3. Kids can earn the privilege of playing games next time by getting off without fussing. (For example, when I get off the game on time on Saturday, I can play on Sunday. If I fuss or ask for more time on Sunday, I cannot play on the next weekend on Saturday, but I can try again on Sunday.)
  4. Kids can watch shows on the TV for a maximum of 30 minutes per day. (I earn the next day’s TV time by following the rules today.)

Use the free Savvy Cyber Kids Technology Pledge tool to easily create a technology contract and recreate the contract as needed as your child matures.

Conversation Starters

  1. Why is it important that there are specific and concrete rules around technology use?
  2. What are some rules you think are fair?
  3. When or how can you earn additional technology privileges?
  4. What technology rules do you think EVERYONE in the home should agree to?

Learn more

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